The Inquisition

Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?

Are you tired of this yet?

I try really hard not to get frustrated at Max's overzealous curiosity. I answer his questions to the best of my ability... usually. But sometimes it gets downright ridiculous! I know all kids have a "why?" stage, but is it too much to ask that he only ask questions that have answers?

I'll give you an example. Usually these conversations start out innocent enough. "Why did you give Lucian a smaller plate than me?" "Because he doesn't eat as much as you do."

And does Max then respond with, "Oh!" and go back to whatever he was doing? Ha, ha, hahahaha. Let's continue. "Why doesn't he eat as much as I do?" "Because he is smaller than you." "Why is he smaller than me?" "Because he was born two years after you." "Why was he born two years after me?" "Because... uh... that's when he came out of Mommy's tummy?" "Why is that when he came out of Mommy's tummy?" (Oh dear... uhh...) "Because that's when God wanted him to be born." "Why is that when God wanted him to be born?"

And this is about where I give up. Either I throw up my hands in frustration and snap, "Because He did." or I throw the question back at him: "Why do you think that's when God wanted him to be born?"   If I ask him a question back, he usually comes up with an answer. In this case, maybe it's "Because it was a good time to be born." or something of the sort. I'll usually smile and say, "Yeah!" or "That could be!" or "Oh!"

And then, THEN my friends, is the question that drives me up a wall.

"Why did you say 'Oh!'?"

This happens at least a few times every day. What kind of answer can I give to this question? Why did I say 'Oh'? Why does anyone say 'Oh'? To end the conversation, that's why! But if I give any kind of response to this question, it results in a completely new line of questioning, ala "Why did you want to end the conversation?" And we're back to Square One.

I feel like I'm walking a fine line here. I don't ever want him to stop asking questions. I love his inquisitive nature, and I love that he wants to know the answers to everything. I only wish that two or three rounds of questions would satisfy his curiosity... rather than six or eight or ten.

Lately he's been really curious about the human body: skeletal system, organs, the like. I love answering these questions, if I can. But even these quickly devolve into meaningless back-and-forth before he's satisfied:

"Why do we have a skull?"
     "To protect our brain."
"Why does it protect our brain?"
     "The skull is made of hard bone and it goes all around our soft brain to keep it from getting hurt."
"Why is it made of hard bone?"
     "Because if it was soft it wouldn't keep our brains safe"
"Why wouldn't it keep our brains safe?"
     "Why do you think it wouldn't keep our brains safe?"
"Because it would be soft!"
     "Oh!"
"Why did you say 'Oh!'?"
     ".........."

The one thing I really enjoy is watching Max go after other people with his endless line of questioning. As they fumble for answers to some of his most ridiculous questions, I just get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Watch out, you might be next!

Quotable

It's been awhile since I've graced you with the latest, greatest Max quotes, but the last two days have brought two gems that I just had to share.

On my cousin, who was coming over to babysit: "Shanni has bracelets on her teeth!" He hadn't seen her since the beginning of July, but he remembered those cool decorations in her mouth before he even saw her! They must have made a big impression, and who knew she could use them as wrist jewelery when they are done correcting her teeth?

Then, on the warm pants that I put on him this morning: "My pants are made of sweat!" ...Now, that's just not something I really want to picture.

As for Lucian, his word list has expanded to "Dada", "Na!" (no), "A-Gah!" (all done), "Ah!" and "Daahhh" (up and down), "Mama" (only on VERY rare occasions), and joining the list just yesterday, "Da" (dog). I'm convinced that he will wake up on his second birthday speaking in complete sentences. But if not, he's plenty good at communicating his needs nonverbally. That's a good skill to have, right?

Out of the mouths...

A few days ago, I decided to switch up our normal music routine and treat Max's ears to a little culture. I flipped through my old CD case, and into the CD player went Andrea Boccelli. I hadn't listened to those songs in years, and I was so enjoying his beautiful tenor voice singing Vivere and Con te Partiro. But apparently Max had a different opinion.

"Mommy, I want some different music," he said.

"But Max, this is great music! Why do you want me to change it??"

"Because I'm feeling song-sick." Huh. That's a new one.



~~~~~~~

Often when I need to tell Max that it's time to leave somewhere fun, I like to give him a three-minute warning. That way, he's not blindsided when we have to head home from Grandma and Grandpa's house, or the library, or the park. He has time to process the transition that's about to take place. All well and good in theory. However, after three minutes, he usually is still not ready to go. He is starting to come out of his awful tantrum phase (thank goodness), but instead of throwing himself on the ground when we need to leave, he has started to try to outwit me.

"Three minutes are NOT up!" he says with confidence. "Three minutes are still DOWN!"

And I hear him thinking, just try to argue with THAT logic, Mom!



~~~~~~~

As a three-year-old, it's really hard to not get your way. You don't ever completely understand why, and for some reason whatever your parents say holds more weight than your best arguments. I think that's how Max envisions our conversations sometimes; he knows he can't win, but he wants something so badly that it almost goes beyond words.

In those situations, as we calmly explain to him why he can't have a third dessert or why he has to put his jammies on for bedtime, his angry response has lately been, "DON'T say anything! Stop talking!!"

Apparently, the words that are coming out of his parents' mouths are so horrifying to him that the only possible way to right the situation is if we cease speaking altogether.

I think I'll try that next time I don't like what someone is saying to me. Watch out, it could be you!

Our Little Carnivore

Recently at the dinner table, I commented to Paul about the rising cost of meat. "We may need to become vegetarians!" I jokingly mentioned.

"What's a vegetarian?" Max asked.

"A vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat meat," we explained.

"Are vegetarians people?"

"Yes, they're people. They just choose not to eat meat."

Incredulously, he responded, "Do they don't have mouths?"

Our meat loving son could not fathom someone choosing to forgo hamburger, chicken and pork. The only possible explanation was that these people were physically incapable of eating!

Karate Kid

Max has a bad habit of attacking me with the full weight of his little body when I'm least expecting it. He knocks me over when I'm crouching down to put shoes on, he throws himself at me (inevitably elbows first) when I'm sitting on the couch... I feel like I need some chain mail to keep from getting seriously injured!

A few days ago, I was standing at the sink in the kitchen. I turned around to see Max hurtling full-tilt toward me, and before I could say a word, he pummeled me in the stomach with his very hard skull. I can't describe the noise that I made, but it was somewhere between an "Oof!" and an "Oh I think I'm gonna die!"

When I regained my composure (partially) I knelt down and explained (for the umpteenth time) that he needs to ask me if I'm ready before running into me. He might get hurt, I might get hurt, or we both might get hurt! This time, I explained, it really hurt Mommy.

He stood in silence for a moment, then responded, "You hurt me too!" then turned to leave the kitchen. As he walked through the doorway, he turned around. "I forgive you."

Oh my, I'm so glad you could find it in your heart to forgive your punching bag...

The Curious Incident of the Unicorn in the Night-Time

Max in dreamland... he crashed on the couch after a day out on the town with Daddy

It's funny how Paul and I have programmed ourselves to hear what we are supposed to hear at night. Basically, we have assigned ourselves each to one child- I get Louie and Paul gets Max. Lucian can be screaming bloody murder and Paul won't even roll over, but if Max so much as whines, Paul jumps out of bed to his side! Max hasn't woken up at night for months, so I wasn't sure if Paul's reflexes were still in shape. But lo and behold!

It was 2:00am on Friday, and I awoke to the sound of Lucian wailing (not an uncommon night-time occurrence), and I noticed that Paul was already up! It took me a second to get oriented, then I realized that Max was crying as well (apparently, my programming is the same as Paul's, in reverse!) I got up to check on the situation and found Louie sitting in his crib crying while Paul tried to comfort Max. I laid down my little boy with his blankie, and he was out in no time. But before I went back to bed, I heard Paul ask a distraught Max if he wanted a drink of water.

Out of the blue, Max responded, "Unicorrrrrrnnn!"

What the...??

"I want my UNICORN!!!" he sobbed. (FYI, Max does not own a unicorn of any kind.) Finally Paul got him settled down by telling him that he could close his eyes and dream about unicorns again if he wanted to. He snuggled in and drifted off to dreamland... apparently to find his... unicorn? Whatev, dude.

Silence overtook the house again, and Paul and I chuckled ourselves to sleep. The next morning, we told Max what had happened. He had absolutely no recollection but thought the whole story was pretty funny! Now in those rare moments that he is not wearing a pirate hat, he has been running around with his finger pointing out from his forehead and neighing like a horse (Unicorns neigh right? That's what I told him). Could we be moving in the direction of castles, knights, unicorns and dragons? Only time will tell...

Sea Chanteys

Sorry if anyone is tired of hearing about pirates on this blog; maybe I should rename it "Captain Salty's Adventures on the High Seas" or something. I don't see his pirate obsession going away anytime soon, in fact at the moment it is as strong as it's ever been! The first thing he does every morning is put his pirate hat on and pick up his foam sword, and most mornings I find myself being "sworded" and/or thrown overboard before breakfast.

But I just couldn't resist sharing this story with you all- Max's love of music and love of pirates have officially collided. We were driving home earlier this week listening to the radio when we suddenly noticed Max singing to himself in the back seat. We turned down the radio and this is what we heard:

"If you're happy and you know it, walk the plank!
If you're happy and you know it, walk the plank!
If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it,
If you're happy and you know it, walk the plank!"

We both burst out laughing and told Max that we loved his song! For the rest of the drive we were serenaded with countless verses of his own creation, including (but not limited to): If you're happy and you know it,
-Hoist the mainsail
-Say 'Arrr!'
-Do a parrot (braaak!)
-Go to land (Land ho!)
-Find a treasure
And on, and on, and on.

Then last night, we were treated to a new pirate song, "The pirates on the ship say 'Arr, arr, arr!'" This also developed into a multi-verse song, "The sails on the ship go wave, wave wave", "The ships on the ocean go sail, sail, sail", "The mateys on the ship go 'Yo Ho Ho!'" etc, etc.

I'm just waiting to see what he comes up with next. Old Captain Bogg had a ship? Hey there, Matey, have you any gold? The possibilities are endless!

Perfection

Max's second-favorite music group is the Laurie Berkner Band. I have to admit, while she's not quite as easy on the ears as the Okee Dokee Brothers, I often find myself singing along to her music- and she definitely knows what a toddler likes! Among Max's top picks are "Rocketship Run", "We Are the Dinosaurs", and "I Really Love To Dance". Talk about a few of his favorite things!

But recently, his love for Laurie has gone deeper than her music; she has found a special place in his heart. We were listening to her CD one day and I asked Max whether he liked Laurie Berkner (meaning the music). He answered, "Yeah... she's a really nice guy." (Hmm ... I didn't know they had met!)

Then yesterday, her song titled "I'm Not Perfect" came on. The first verse goes like this:

"I'm not perfect, no I'm not
I'm not perfect, but I've got what I've got
I do my very best, I do my very best
I do my very best each day
But I'm not perfect,
And I hope you like me that way"

As the verse ended, Max looked questioningly up at me and commented, "But Laurie Berkner is perfect!"

Fairy Tales

Max told me this story today, and I thought it was too good to go unshared.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in the woods. Her name was BooBoo, and that was her name ... and she lived in her house in the deep, deep woods."

The End

Make it better

Boy are we getting hit hard this fall! First the stomach bug, now both Max and Lucian have colds! Luckily, it looks like they are running their course fairly quickly, and after dealing with the last round of illness, runny noses just don't seem so bad. However, the kids haven't been sleeping too well, so we've separated them until they're better... otherwise they take turns waking each other up! I prefer a sleeping sick kid to remain sleeping as long as possible.

So Lucian is back in the guest room and Max stays in his own bed, but every night since he's been sick he has ended up in bed with us. With the multiple night interruptions from both of them, neither of us has the energy to bring him back to his own room, so he just spreads out and stakes his territory- taking up a good 75% of the bed. No wonder I've been waking up sore; I've had to contort myself to balance on the edge of the mattress!

A couple of nights ago, Max had made his way into our bed (interestingly, neither Paul nor I can remember when or how he got there that night) and was waking up regularly, crying because he felt so awful. Eventually, we got him to tell us that it was his nose that hurt the worst, so for lack of a better option, I began giving his nose kisses whenever he would cry.

At about 3:00 in the morning, he started crying, so I automatically (half-asleep) rolled over to kiss his nose. He stopped crying instantly and, in a super sweet voice, told me "You're a good kisser, Mommy!"

Even though we were exhausted, both Paul and I got the giggles, and Max quickly drifted back to sleep. Oh, those moments make it all worth it!

Slow Down

We have recently recovered from a bout of some nasty stomach bug, starting with me and then hitting Max, Paul and Lucian simultaneously. Thankfully, we were all recovered in time to go trick-or-treating (pictures coming! I promise!), and the symptoms were of fairly short duration. But, oh goodness, it was not fun.

I'll spare you the details and skip right to the end, when Max was getting back to his usual self. The morning after the worst of it, Max was very hungry and thirsty. He hadn't eaten any solid food since the previous breakfast and he was ready for something good!

First thing in the morning, he said to me, "I would like some toast with peanut butter and jelly."

"Max, honey," I responded, "You've been pretty sick. We should probably start slow."

Very deliberately, he responded, "... I ... would ... like ... some ... toast ... with ... peanut ... butter ... and ... jelly."

I attempted to contain my hysterical laughter and got him his toast.

Rhyme Time

Underneath a billowy willow tree
(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Max is a rhyming maniac! If I tell him it's time to go to bed, he'll say something like, "It's pime to bo doo ved!" It's pretty cute, and it's fun to hear him use his verbal creativity, but usually the words are pure nonsense. There are, however, two examples that have completely accidentally turned into hilarious new phrases!

Example One: Lucian received a little doll dressed as a butterfly as a gift from his Great Grandma Moorse. It has crinkly wings, antennae that are great to suck on, and a hard plastic face that's perfect for teething gums. He loves it. Recently, I asked Max if he wanted to name the doll for his brother. Up until this point, the names he gives to toys have all been variations of "TeeTee" (ToTo, TeeTo, TaTee, etc). He has officially turned a corner. Want to know what he named this cute little butterfly girl? "Mommy Salami"

Meet Mommy Salami

Example Two: At Bridget's house, we were heading into the bedroom to go to bed and I told him to say good night to Patrick and Joseph. In true rhyming form, he responded, "Good night! Bud Light!" Bud Light?? It has to be a total random occurrence- his Daddy doesn't drink that stuff! If he had said "Good night! Summit IPA!" I might think we were responsible. But no, this was just a laugh-worthy choice of rhyming words befitting our beer-loving son. What a poet!

So I'll be back with more stories
That hopefully won't bore ye,
And pictures of Max
With his friend Patrick Traxx (ok, that was a stretch)
When my computer is kind
And allows me to find
A better way of downloading
Without my brain exploding.

Quote of the Day

"A day without cookies is as gray as mud."
-Maximilian Yantes, age 2 1/2

Hearing Check

A conversation overheard between Paul and Max

Max: (pointing to the hem of his jeans) That is the bottom of my pants.
Paul: Yeah, imagine that!
Max: (misunderstanding his daddy) That is the magic bottom of my pants.
Paul: Yeah, right there!
Max: I'm a white bear!

I'm sure he'll need glasses sooner or later, but hearing aids too??

Fly Me to the Moon

Max has decided he is going to be an astronaut.

He is enthralled by anything moon-related, and he wants to ride in a rocket ship to the moon! We have been checking out all of the kids books we can find on space travel and moon landings, and we've found some fun songs that teach about the planets and rockets. I'm really enjoying this, Max's first future occupation! Who knows what he'll come up with next?

Yesterday, he had Daddy fly him around the room like a rocket for a long time. When Daddy finally got tired, Max ran back and forth across the room, throwing himself at the couch and yelling, "Rockets go fast!" at each impact. Then he told us that when he travels to the moon, we can come too.

We explained that if he wants to be an astronaut, he needs to study hard and do well in school- so his plan is as follows, in his own words: "Go to 'cool, 'tudy hard, and be an atro-naut!" At the end of one of his library book, the author asks, "Do you think you'll go to the moon someday?" And each time we read it, Max replies with confidence, "Yes, I will!"

Twenty-Five

Lately, the answer to every numbers-related question addressed to Max has been "Twenty-five". I don't know where it came from, but it's stuck around for at least a week.

Max, how tall are you? "Twenty-Five"
What time is it? "Twenty-Five"
How far to the park? "Twenty-Five"

The other day, he told me that his Macky Bear stuffed animal wanted a sip of beer. (Yeah, that's our family...) Paul asked, "How old is Macky bear? Because he can only have a sip of beer if he is old enough." Of course, Macky bear was twenty-five.

Eventually, I decided to throw him a softball, so I asked him, "Max, how old am I?"

His answer: "... Please?"

I guess the only thing predictable about our son is his unpredictability!

A Sticky Mess

After grilling out one evening, Paul decided to sharpen some sticks for roasting marshmallows. Super fun! While he prepared the sticks and I sat around (like I've been doing a lot lately), Max made his way to his favorite spot in the yard- the mud under the steps. When the marshmallows were ready to be roasted, he emerged looking like a homeless waif.

"Please, sir, I want some more."

I don't think this picture does justice to the volume of mud that was smeared on his face, hands, feet, shirt, and even in his hair! Oh well, let's just add another layer of mess to our already grimy little boy. Sticky, gooey globs of sugar, anyone?


Max thoroughly enjoyed his experience, at one point exclaiming, "I hotted a marshmallow!"

Please

For awhile now, we have been working on Max's big boy voice. When he wants something, we ask him, "How do you ask for that?" His usual response has been "Pleeeeeeeeeease?" He's got the Magic Word down pat, but we'd like him to actually tell us what he wants, as in, "Please, can I have a banana?" He doesn't quite get it.

Now when we say "How do you ask for that?" he responds:

"Pleeeeease... somethin', somethin'?"

Max at Mass

This weekend, we had a professional family picture taken for my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Trying to get 20 people together at one time can be difficult, so the shot was planned for Sunday morning, meaning that we needed to find a church with a Sunday evening Mass.

Enter Holy Spirit Parish in St. Paul. According to www.masstimes.org (an indispensable tool in our bag of tricks), they had a 5:00pm Sunday Mass. Great! So we arrived to see that the church is beautiful- brick and stone with stained glass windows, tabernacle front and center ... and, uh oh, great (echo-y) acoustics, perfect for a wound-up 2-year-old! We were one of maybe four families there that had small children, and definitely the only ones with such a performer as Max.

Here is a sampling of what the other parishioners were treated to during Mass-

The gathering hymn was "All Are Welcome", which Max sang repeatedly throughout the service (especially when everything was silent), using his personal rendition of "All America, All America!"

Paul whispered to Max to please take his finger out of his nose, which was met with a response of "Take ME out to the BAAALLL-GAME, take ME out to the CROWWWWD!" at full volume.

Out of the blue, he said "What the heck? Macky say what in the heck?" I tried in vain to not react, knowing that a strong reaction would just cause a repeat performance... apparently I am not good at hiding my feelings because he looked at me, giggled, and said even louder "Macky say WHAT in the HECK??" (Where does he hear these things?)

I will be glad to return to St. Joseph's next Sunday, a parish overflowing with small, rambunctious children- where we are just one family of many who are trying to juggle crazy kids. There, we are the rule instead of the exception. There, 75% of the cars in the parking lot are minivans. There, we feel at home.

Say It Again!

Max is pretty good at pronunciation. He doesn't make many mistakes, except for the occasional missed consonant here and there, and the unavoidable ephelant and pasketti. I guess he takes after me in that way- apparently when I was little, I refused to say any word until I could say it correctly... perfectionist much? Who me??

But today he had a couple of pretty cute slip ups:
"Wanna play wif da gulp glove!"(read: golf club)
and
"Mommy go to da copy chop." (that's 'coffee shop')

I also love noticing how his little brain is soaking up new information like a sponge. His two favorite phrases are "What's that?" and "Say it again!" Sometimes it is the strangest things he wants repeated- like the word 'caterpillar' or 'burp rag'. I don't think I've ever outlasted his requests to "say it again!" It's a battle of wills that I've never won, so I don't know how long he would actually go if I let him.

Today the word was 'baby booties'. I thought I finally beat him after about 20 rounds of "Say it again!" "Baby booties." "Say it again!" "Baby booties." "Say it again!" "Baby booties." Then suddenly he started asking me about a picture of cowboy boots on the page... wait a minute, did I do it? Did I actually satisfy his request to hear the words "baby booties"? Ha. After about a minute talking about cowboy boots, he requested that I "Say 'baby booties' again!" and it went on for another 20 rounds or so, until I finally got tired of it and distracted him with something else. His perfect record remains unbroken.