Explanation

I have sat down at the computer to attempt to blog several times in the last week, but for the most part I've had a major mental block going on. I have tried to write about Max and Lucian, about Lent, but over and over I am only able to think about one thing. A new camera that I ordered for Paul's birthday was stolen upon delivery, and because of a simple typographical error, we have no recourse to the company that sent it or to UPS. We have filed a police report, and even though we believe we know exactly where the package went, there is little that they can do without a confession from the thief. I believe the package is gone.

I have been losing sleep over this. I have been getting tension headaches. I have not been able to think about anything else. We have never had any problems with other items being delivered... why this time? Why this gift, that I had so carefully planned? Paul's family and my family all pitched in together for this camera, and I have been holding this secret in since December. Instead of as a great surprise on his birthday, Paul found out about the camera when I had to explain to him that an important package I was expecting had never arrived.

I have always known that it is wrong to steal; this simple fact is ingrained in us all our lives. But until now I have only known in theory: never take something that belongs to someone else. It's that simple. But when we suddenly became the victims of theft, the intensity of the emotions I felt surprised me; someone out there has taken something that doesn't belong to them, something that was important to us, a gift from Paul's entire family... I feel hurt, angry, frustrated and helpless. I have been on the phone with everyone who I think might be able to help, but everyone we talk to points us back to someone else. I'm dizzy from the circles.

So today I have resolved to let it go. It is Lent, a time to practice detachment from material goods. In prayer today, I was reminded of the need to be thankful always, and to trust in God. His love for me doesn't change, even in the midst of trial. The money that we have lost is not important; Paul knows that we love him, even without this gift.

I am trusting in God's greater plan. I trust that He will continue to care for us as He always does. With His help, I will let go of my anger, I will forgive the thief.

I trust you, Lord.

I let go.