Sock It To Me

I have an ongoing battle with myself between doing things for Max and letting him do them on his own. It usually sounds something like this: It's taking him forever to get that jacket on! We need to go... but it's a great learning experience, trying to put it on by himself... but we need to be there in fifteen minutes! It will take him at least that long... but I need to work on my patience, his little mind is growing... but if I just did it for him we'd be out the door already... but look at him struggling to overcome an obstacle- this is so good for him... etc, etc, etc.

If it's not a matter of being late for an event of some sort, I generally try to let him struggle his way through things. Well, at least I try to try. It's just so hard sometimes! I can do something in .5 seconds that will take him minute after minute of trial and error. "Here, let me get that for you" is such an easy solution!

Last night, Paul and I decided to let Max get undressed before bed all by himself. Head to toe. We gave verbal instructions ("Pull your arm into your sleeve... now the other one... now pull your shirt over your head...") and it went pretty smoothly.

Until we got to the left sock.

Oh. My. Goodness. I was about to pull my hair out! He pulled, and he tugged, and he rolled around on the ground. That sock was stuck. It took some major restraint on my part to stop myself from going into "Here, let me get that for you" mode. We watched and gave instructions... which he generally ignored in his attempts to remove that stubborn sock. I wasn't timing the event closely, but it must have been about fifteen minutes that we let him struggle, until finally he got the right grip on it and yanked it off. Fifteen minutes of "Oh, you almost- oh- not like that- try to- well- what about- do it like this-" and I think Paul removed and put on his sock at least five different times as an example. When that darn sock came off, it was such a relief! I felt like this was so much more than just a sock.

What in the world will I do when he gets older and the stakes get higher? When he's in little league sports and I can't run onto the field to help him catch the ball? When he's writing a paper in high school and I know I could write it better? When he's preparing for his first job interview?

Does it ever get easier to let them struggle? Or does it just keep getting harder? I'm afraid the answer is probably the latter. Now I know why my mom tells me she would get nervous before my performances in high school. I always thought, "Hey, I'm the one up there sticking my neck out, you just have to watch!" But watching might be the hardest job of all. What if he fails? What if people laugh? What if he gives up?

I know that independence is a great gift that I can give my children- teach them to work out problems, work through frustrations and make good decisions on their own when the consequences are minor, and they'll be more prepared later in life.

So I'll keep working on patience and restraint... for my sake as well as his. Hopefully by the time he's in Little League, I'll be able to calmly stay in the bleachers as he misses that fly ball. I'll sit back and allow him to get a B+ instead of an A if he worked hard on that paper. I'll send him off in suit and tie to that interview without calling ahead to gush about my amazing son that they have to hire.

I'll let him take his own socks off.