Secure Your Own Mask First

Back in the fall, I had the joy of spending some time with my good friends Bridget and Annie in South Dakota. We went out shopping completely childless for an entire evening (leaving behind a total of eight children) and it was HEAVEN.

While out and about, I got some of the best parenting advice I've ever heard. We were chatting about motherhood, the joys and the woes... but as is usually the case, the woes tended to win the battle for air time. We commiserated about all of those things common to every mother that can make parenting difficult and frustrating.

Then Annie said something profound, and I've thought about it almost every day since then. "You know how when you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant gives directions about using your oxygen mask? They always remind you to secure your own mask first before assisting others."

She went on, and here's the kicker: "I've learned, in my years as a mother, that I need to secure my own mask first in dealing with my children. If I'm not taking care of myself, my relationship with them suffers and I'm not able to be the mother that I want to be." Whoa. Yeah.

I realized that in my striving to be a "good mom" I was often forgetting that the word "mom" inherently infers a relationship between two people. BOTH of the people in that relationship are equally important. I need to take care of myself if I am going to be able to take care of my children.

I think that every mother can interpret this advice in a different way. Some moms neglect their physical needs (healthy eating, exercise), some their emotional needs (date night!), and some- like me- their psychological needs. Again, Annie described it best. She has made it a habit to spend an hour a day on something that SHE loves. It might be sewing, blogging, scrapping, but it must be something that makes her feel like Annie. I got to thinking about what it is that I love, and at first I came up blank! I love my kids, I love my husband... but what do I love to do? When do I feel the most like me?

Since then, I've spent some time discovering new hobbies and rediscovering old ones. I now try to spend time each day being just Taryn. Of course, there are times when this gets hard- when kids are sick, when husbands are gone, or any other of the countless number of wrenches that get thrown into our plans. But I think that if we make it a rule to remember ourselves, our children will benefit because we will be living fully and authentically.

I do have to make many sacrifices as a mother; often I get less sleep than I want, I can't sit and read a book all day like I might wish to, I more often spend my money on diapers and hot dogs than new clothes and restaurants. But these are sacrifices that I can make in an attitude of love instead of frustration if I realize that I am not called to sacrifice who I am. Maybe you all knew this already. Maybe I was just a little late to the game... but if it's new to your ears, it's advice well worth considering.

Check out Annie's beautiful family on her blog, The SD Daniels. She's kind of my idol, but I guess I can share her.