Why My Boys Need Their Daddy

Simply put, it's because I don't do this

Or this

I can't do this

This? Not so much.

But it makes them look like this

And that makes me happy too.

Coming out of Hibernation

Forty-five degrees! I can't even remember the last time our thermometer read that high... at first I thought it might be malfunctioning. It can't possibly be above freezing. We're not that lucky... are we?




So we have been taking full advantage of the bearable (not quite ready to call it beautiful) weather and donning our snow gear! First was sledding on Saturday: Max had the time of his life! Lucian, not so much. He went down the hill once, and that was plenty for him. He stood in the snow twice, two times too many. Poor kid, not quite the daredevil his big brother is, but we'll work on him.

"I'm not really sure about all this..."

Max went down the hill several times all by himself, and he enjoyed exploring the expansive snowy tundra at the bottom of the hill almost as much as the actual sledding. Paul followed him around, throwing snowballs and teaching him how to make snow angels.

Strong Man Max tries to pull Daddy up the hill in the sled

Yesterday was another day well worth experiencing. Forty degrees and sunny! I'm not so ambitious when Paul's at work, so we stuck to the backyard. But that was adventure enough. Sunday evening, we arrived home at about 8:00pm to see that the entire mass of snow from the roof of our deck had slid off into the yard, completely blocking the path to our back door! We ferried the boys across to get them inside, then Paul came back out to shovel us out. While a bit of a headache that night, it made for a pretty fantastic play area yesterday! We're calling it Avalanche Mountain.


We also had some major thawing, creating a nice puddle for splashing! Max spent a good chunk of time running, galloping and skipping from the garage to the house, trying to make the biggest splashes he could.


This time, Lucian got to have lots of fun too. He never left his blanket on the deck, he never had to touch the snow, and he didn't have clunky snow boots on. Couldn't be happier.

I still won't be sad when all of this snow melts away and we start to see some green again, but if more of winter was like this, I think I'd be a happier person!

My Valentines

To the three most important men in my life,




Happy Valentine's Day! You mean the world to me.

Love, Taryn/Mommy/Mmmmaa

Sock It To Me

I have an ongoing battle with myself between doing things for Max and letting him do them on his own. It usually sounds something like this: It's taking him forever to get that jacket on! We need to go... but it's a great learning experience, trying to put it on by himself... but we need to be there in fifteen minutes! It will take him at least that long... but I need to work on my patience, his little mind is growing... but if I just did it for him we'd be out the door already... but look at him struggling to overcome an obstacle- this is so good for him... etc, etc, etc.

If it's not a matter of being late for an event of some sort, I generally try to let him struggle his way through things. Well, at least I try to try. It's just so hard sometimes! I can do something in .5 seconds that will take him minute after minute of trial and error. "Here, let me get that for you" is such an easy solution!

Last night, Paul and I decided to let Max get undressed before bed all by himself. Head to toe. We gave verbal instructions ("Pull your arm into your sleeve... now the other one... now pull your shirt over your head...") and it went pretty smoothly.

Until we got to the left sock.

Oh. My. Goodness. I was about to pull my hair out! He pulled, and he tugged, and he rolled around on the ground. That sock was stuck. It took some major restraint on my part to stop myself from going into "Here, let me get that for you" mode. We watched and gave instructions... which he generally ignored in his attempts to remove that stubborn sock. I wasn't timing the event closely, but it must have been about fifteen minutes that we let him struggle, until finally he got the right grip on it and yanked it off. Fifteen minutes of "Oh, you almost- oh- not like that- try to- well- what about- do it like this-" and I think Paul removed and put on his sock at least five different times as an example. When that darn sock came off, it was such a relief! I felt like this was so much more than just a sock.

What in the world will I do when he gets older and the stakes get higher? When he's in little league sports and I can't run onto the field to help him catch the ball? When he's writing a paper in high school and I know I could write it better? When he's preparing for his first job interview?

Does it ever get easier to let them struggle? Or does it just keep getting harder? I'm afraid the answer is probably the latter. Now I know why my mom tells me she would get nervous before my performances in high school. I always thought, "Hey, I'm the one up there sticking my neck out, you just have to watch!" But watching might be the hardest job of all. What if he fails? What if people laugh? What if he gives up?

I know that independence is a great gift that I can give my children- teach them to work out problems, work through frustrations and make good decisions on their own when the consequences are minor, and they'll be more prepared later in life.

So I'll keep working on patience and restraint... for my sake as well as his. Hopefully by the time he's in Little League, I'll be able to calmly stay in the bleachers as he misses that fly ball. I'll sit back and allow him to get a B+ instead of an A if he worked hard on that paper. I'll send him off in suit and tie to that interview without calling ahead to gush about my amazing son that they have to hire.

I'll let him take his own socks off.

Pearly whites

The day has arrived! I no longer have to worry about my little boy gumming his food for the rest of his life. I won't need to get him dentures at the age of three. He has a TOOTH!

Lucian was up from midnight to 3 am, cranky and fussy, refusing to go to sleep. I knew something was up. Lo and behold, when I looked in his mouth this morning, I could see the beginnings of one of his bottom teeth starting to poke through! I clicked a spoon on it- this is no mirage, it's an actual, bona fide, real live tooth.

Steak dinners, corn on the cob, here we come!

Next milestone, that elusive first step...

Daydreaming

Sunset in Assisi

"It was now the sweetest hour of the twenty-four: 'Day its fervid fires had wasted,' and dew fell cool on panting plain and scorched summit. Where the sun had gone down in simple state- pure of the pomp of clouds- spread a solemn purple, burning with the light of red jewel and furnace flame at one point, on one hill peak, and extending high and wide, soft and still softer, over half heaven. The east had its own charm of fine, deep blue, and its own modest gem, a rising and solitary star: soon it would boast the moon; but she was yet beneath the horizon."

This is officially my favorite quote from Jane Eyre, our current Book Club read. Isn't that the most amazing description of a sunset you've ever read? It's making me totally impatient for summer, when we can run outside barefoot and watch the sunset without the risk of frostbite. Today has been such a tease; I heard birds singing this morning, I looked outside and saw beautiful blue cloudless skies, and then I looked at the temperature: one degree. ONE degree fahrenheit! My hopes were dashed.

I guess we'll just stay in and pretend it's a nice day.

Secure Your Own Mask First

Back in the fall, I had the joy of spending some time with my good friends Bridget and Annie in South Dakota. We went out shopping completely childless for an entire evening (leaving behind a total of eight children) and it was HEAVEN.

While out and about, I got some of the best parenting advice I've ever heard. We were chatting about motherhood, the joys and the woes... but as is usually the case, the woes tended to win the battle for air time. We commiserated about all of those things common to every mother that can make parenting difficult and frustrating.

Then Annie said something profound, and I've thought about it almost every day since then. "You know how when you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant gives directions about using your oxygen mask? They always remind you to secure your own mask first before assisting others."

She went on, and here's the kicker: "I've learned, in my years as a mother, that I need to secure my own mask first in dealing with my children. If I'm not taking care of myself, my relationship with them suffers and I'm not able to be the mother that I want to be." Whoa. Yeah.

I realized that in my striving to be a "good mom" I was often forgetting that the word "mom" inherently infers a relationship between two people. BOTH of the people in that relationship are equally important. I need to take care of myself if I am going to be able to take care of my children.

I think that every mother can interpret this advice in a different way. Some moms neglect their physical needs (healthy eating, exercise), some their emotional needs (date night!), and some- like me- their psychological needs. Again, Annie described it best. She has made it a habit to spend an hour a day on something that SHE loves. It might be sewing, blogging, scrapping, but it must be something that makes her feel like Annie. I got to thinking about what it is that I love, and at first I came up blank! I love my kids, I love my husband... but what do I love to do? When do I feel the most like me?

Since then, I've spent some time discovering new hobbies and rediscovering old ones. I now try to spend time each day being just Taryn. Of course, there are times when this gets hard- when kids are sick, when husbands are gone, or any other of the countless number of wrenches that get thrown into our plans. But I think that if we make it a rule to remember ourselves, our children will benefit because we will be living fully and authentically.

I do have to make many sacrifices as a mother; often I get less sleep than I want, I can't sit and read a book all day like I might wish to, I more often spend my money on diapers and hot dogs than new clothes and restaurants. But these are sacrifices that I can make in an attitude of love instead of frustration if I realize that I am not called to sacrifice who I am. Maybe you all knew this already. Maybe I was just a little late to the game... but if it's new to your ears, it's advice well worth considering.

Check out Annie's beautiful family on her blog, The SD Daniels. She's kind of my idol, but I guess I can share her.