At Home

It's official. I have become a homebody. Within the last six months I have finally made the transition from needing desperately to leave the house at least once a day to being content to stick around the home front for several days in a row. Don't get me wrong, I love getting out! (Especially without my two adorable cling-ons.) I still really enjoy our trips to the library and play dates with friends, but I no longer feel like I need these outings in order to function properly. Our home life has fallen into such a rhythm that I actually look forward to days that we have nowhere to go.

I'll take you through a quick tour of my change of heart. When Max was born, I don't think I left the house without Paul for a full two weeks. I think I was afraid that if I took him anywhere, I would suddenly drive off a cliff or spontaneously combust or something. But I ached to get out and get around! As soon as I got over my initial fear, I took him everywhere. Then when Lucian came and I began to stay home full-time, I tried to find excuses to leave the house every day: grocery shopping, visits to the library, even just driving around the neighborhood... I had to get out or I would go crazy! It stayed like this for quite some time, and although I managed to suffer through the days that we were home-bound, I didn't enjoy them. I counted down the minutes until Paul came home, thinking that if I didn't talk to an adult soon, I might lose all cognitive function! Ok, so I still follow him around like a puppy when he gets home- things are just better when he's around- but I no longer mentally wait at the door for him.

If I had to put it into words, I think the change began with Max's increased interest in learning and doing organized activities. When he just wanted to play pirates or Duplos with me all day, I wanted to pull my hair out. I used to feel really guilty about this. I mean, am I not supposed to love playing with my children? In moderation, I don't mind building Duplo robots or sailing the seven seas looking for treasure, but it was wearing on me. Then I suddenly realized that Max was old enough to do crafts and activities, bake with me, learn some early literacy skills... and the days began to fly by!

Now we do a "project" of some sort almost every morning. We love baking cookies and muffins, Max is memorizing the names of all of the bones in his body, we do simple "science experiments" around the house, and we are taking time to enter into the liturgical seasons. Instead of waiting for the day to end, there are many days that I feel like we can't fit everything in! Yes, we still have those days that can't end fast enough, but I can honestly say that I love being at home with my boys.

Part of me worries that when our baby girl comes, everything will be turned on its head and I'll be clawing at the doors again. But I think that maybe... maybe it's not just Max that has changed. Maybe my heart is really, truly, finally in my home. And when our baby is born, maybe this time the transition will be easier because I've discovered that everything I need to be happy (and sane) is right here. At home.